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[] I talk a lot when I get really nervous. [] I am really ticklish. [] I'm afraid of the dark. [x] I'm afraid of facing my back to open doors at night. [x] I can't sleep in a room if the door is open. [] I am homosexual. [x] I believe in true love. [X] I've run away from home. [x] I listen to political music. [x] I collect stuff. [x] I sometimes shut others out when I'm sad. [x] I've stayed out all night. [] I open up to others easily. [x] I am keeping a secret from the world. [x] I watch the news. (Sometimes, but it depresses me, so not always.) [x] I own over 5 rap CDs. [X] I love Disney movies. [] I am a sucker for green eyes. [] I am a sucker for brown eyes. [X] I am a sucker for blue eyes. [x] I don't kill bugs (just widows/mosquitos). [x] I curse. (Constantly!) [] I have "x"s in my screen name. [x] I've slipped and fallen in public. [] I've slipped out a "lol" in a real conversation. [] I love Spam. [x] I bake well. [] I have worn pajamas to class. [] I have owned something from Abercrombie. [x] I want a better job. [X] Talked on a phone for 6+ hours. [] I love Dr. Phil. (NO!!) [x] I like someone. [x] I like multiple people. [] I am guilty of tYpInG lIkE tHiS ... at least once. [x] I am self-conscious. [x] I love to laugh. [x] I have tried alcohol. [] I drink alcohol on a regular basis. [x] I have tried a cigarette. [] I have smoked a pack in one day. [] I loved Lord of the Flies. [] I have cough drops when I'm not sick. [] I can't swallow pills. [x] I have a lot of scars. (kitten scars!) [] I can't sleep if there is a spider in the room. [x] I love white chocolate. [] I bite my nails. [x] I am not comfortable with being me. (Not right now.) [x] I play computer games when I'm bored. [x] Gotten lost in the city. [x] Thought of suicide before. [x] Seen a shooting star. [x] Gone out in public in my pajamas. [x] Have kissed a stranger. [x] Have kissed someone really strange. [x] Hugged a stranger. (Many times at the vet.) [] Been in a bloody fist fight with someone of a different sex. [X] Been in a fist fight. [] Been arrested. [x] Laughed and had some type of beverage come out of my nose. [x] Pushed all the buttons on an elevator. [] Made out in an elevator. [x] Swore at Liberace. (I've sworn at Nick, does that count.) [] Kicked a guy where it hurts on purpose. [] Been skydiving. [] Been bungee jumping. [X] Gotten stitches. [] Drank a whole gallon of milk in one hour. [x] Bitten someone. [] Been to Niagara Falls. [X] Gotten the chicken pox. (Gawd, did I ever!) [x] Crashed into a deer. (passenger) [] Been to Japan. [x] Ridden in a taxi. [] Shoplifted. [x] Been fired. [x] Had feelings for someone who didn't have them back. [] Stole something from your job. [] Gone on a blind date. [x] Had a crush on a teacher/coach. [] Celebrated Mardi Gras in New Orleans. [] Been to Europe. [x] Slept with a co-worker, and/or employee. [X] Been married. [] Gotten divorced. [x] Saw someone/something dying. [x] Driven over 400 miles in one day. [] Been to Canada. [x] Been on a plane. [] Seen the Rocky Horror Picture Show. [] Thrown up in a bar. [x] Eaten sushi. [X] Been snowboarding. [x] Been ice skating. [x] Cried in public. [] Walked purposely into traffic with your eyes closed. (WHAT?) [x] Liked someone even though you knew you shouldn't have. [x] Thought of someone almost 24/7. [x] Hate the world. (Often lately.) [x] Love someone. :: +Memory :: Tell a Friend :: Reply
Took three laps in an Indy car going 180mph 2. Did you keep your new years' resolutions, and will you make more for next year? I don't make New Year's Resolutions. Life is complex enough w/out them. 3. Did anyone close to you give birth? Sanhedralyte! 4. Did anyone close to you die? Yes. Both of Todd's parents and also his mentor since 16, Mr. Jones. 5. What countries did you visit? None; just states. 6. What would you like to have in 2006 that you lacked in 2005? Piece of mind for my loved ones' health. 7. What date from 2005 will remain etched upon your memory, and why? The day my mother told me she has cancer. 8. What was your biggest achievement of the year? Not quitting my job when I was tempted to, being able to help Mama out, rescuing two beautiful kittens. 9. What was your biggest failure? Gaining weight. 10. Did you suffer illness or injury? A whopper of a flu. 11. What was the best thing you bought? A house and new stuff to go in it! 12. Whose behavior merited celebration? My Mama, Lisa 13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed? FEMA, Bush 14. Where did most of your money go? New house! 15. What did you get really, really, really excited about? New house! New kittens! 16. What song will always remind you of 2005? Still Breathing 17. Compared to this time last year, you are: Stronger, but wary. 18. What do you wish you'd done more of? Talking to my mother. 19. What do you wish you'd done less of? Being scared. 20. How will you be spending New Years Eve? Spent it at Mama's house with her and my brother. 22. Did you fall in love in 2005? Yeah, with two kittens. 23. How many one-night stands? None. 24. What was your favorite TV program? Nip/Tuck, Deadwood, Good Eats, Supernatural 25. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year? No, pretty much the same people. LOL 26. What was the best book you read? I've been reading Star Wars novels, but also Pompeii and a book on the Fastnet disaster (no, not Simon's). 27. What was your greatest musical discovery? Really like Jon Mayer and Gwen Stefani's Rich Girl has a sentimental value. 28. What did you want and get? New house! Granite countertops! Two kittens! 30. What was your favorite film of this year? Ep III - Pure Obi-Wan bliss. 31. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you? My birthday... uh... pfft! 32. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying? No funerals, no cancer. 33. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2005? Whatever washes well and fits. 34. What kept you sane? Lisa, my pets. 35. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most? Me likey Ewan! 36. What political issue stirred you the most? FEMA's failure, Bush's repetative retardation. 37. Who did you miss? Jasper 38. Who was the best new person you met? VeniceBreathing Who was the worst? I'll have to think about that one. 39. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2005: Make sure those you love know that you love them. 40. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year: "Now I know this shattered feeling; trampled but still breathing. I'm just waiting for a good day."
Happy New Year to all my LJ peeps. :)
So anyway... tomorrow. Ugh. I've been a twitching mess all week and tomorrow will be the absolute worst until we hear from her doctor. This blows massive chunks.
"Lord, give me strength to cross the river." God granted him strong arms and stamina, and after nearling drowning once, he managed to cross the river. The second man, seeing the problems the first man had, took care to pray more efficiently: "Lord, grant me the strength and the tools to cross the river." God granted him strong arms and a boat, and after capsizing once, he too managed to cross the river. The third man thought about the two before him. He decided to leave no stone unturned when he called upon God: "Lord, grant me the strength, tools and intelligence to cross the river safely." God instantly turned the man into a woman who, after consulting the map, hiked upriver and crossed the bridge. ******************************* A man and woman were newly married and about to partake in their first carnal adventure when the woman asked her husband for $20. The man, thinking it a cute way of his wife to earn money for things she wanted, gladly forked over the money. Thus began a willing habit between the couple that lasted for 40 years until the man came home one evening completely distraught. Having just lost his job of 30 years, he was understandably beside himself. His wife, unconcerned, took him by the hand and guided him to their safe. She procured a bank book and began showing him the countless deposits, each amounting in precisely $20. Over their forty years of marriage, the deposits added up to hundreds of thousands of dollars. She then showed him the interest they'd earned on the money over the years, also adding up to quite a hefty sum. After this, she showed him the stocks and bonds portfolio she'd started forty years ago. To the man's amazement, their entire net worth as a couple now rated in the millions, ensuring their future to be more than merely comfortable. Flabbergasted, the man shook his head and threw his hands up. "Honey, if I'd known you were this good, I woulda brought you ALL my business!" This, of course, is when she shot him.
What did you want to be when you grew up? Cyd: I wanted to be a nurse. Grey: Singer Did you follow through? If not, what happened? Cyd: Uhm, part of it I did, yeah. Was in LPN program, ended up pregnant though and had too much nausea to keep working at the clinic. Also graduated as certified nurse's aide. Grey: Partially. I do theatre. I'm a better singer than acter though. Is your life turning out the way you thought it would when you were a kid?If not, is it better or worse? Cyd: Oh heck no, LOL. But it's uh... it's good though. It's okay. Grey: Not at all, but I'm okay with that now. Paradoxes aside, if you could time-travel back to when you were 10 years old, what would you tell your 10-year-old self? Cyd: Oh, I think... keep the magic and the imagination... don't let people harden your heart. Listen to your mother, LOL. Believe it or not... LOL. Grey: This too shall pass. You won't always be the outsider looking in. Cyd: That's a good one. Do you think the child you were, would like the adult you've become? Cyd: Part of me, yeah. Grey: I don't think my 10-year-old self could appreciate what it took to become me now, but I think she'd understand that life is always a work in progress. Cyd: That's true. Very true. Amen. *********************** What's on your feet? Cyd: Nothing. My feet are hanging out from under the covers. You know I hate my feet covered. Grey: Nothing Turn to your right -- what do you see? Cyd: My nightstand. Grey: Obi-Wan, the ratties & Mulder, a framed sailboat picture What is the last thing you ate? Cyd: Fried hot dog with provalone and homemade chili. I like burnt hot dogs. Grey: Burnt?? Cyd: Well yeah cuz I don't really like hot dogs except on the grill. Boiling takes the taste out of them. Grey: Spa Cuisine portobello chicken Cyd: Oooh. Grey: Yeah, those Lean Cuisines are pretty decent. What can you smell right now? Cyd: Hmm... Candle... unscented, but can smell the wick a bit. Grey: Coconut air freshener, toffee candle Cyd: Ooh, that sounds good! Do you wear hats? Cyd: Occasionally, not very often. Grey: Not usually, but it's fun to have occasion to wear a great vintage hat, like from the 40's. Cyd: I always wanted one of those Annie Hall hats. Grey: Like Diane Keaton? Cyd: Yep! Uh huh! I usually wear my Mark Martin hat... it has Viagra on it. Grey: That's funny, thinking of you in a Viagra hat. Cyd: It's his sponser.
I also told her about the twit on another board that lied about having cancer and how much I despised her for it. She said that's a low she'd never heard anyone hitting before and she's right. "A person who'd lie about that would lie about ANYTHING." So true. She's excited that I'll get to meet her friends. I'm excited too. Mama hasn't had many healthy relationships that have stood up. They're all part of the same church and while I'm not the church-going type, I'm really pleased with how their friendship has bolstered her and made her come back to being the intelligent woman I know she is. It also occurred to me that she no longer has such a thick redneck twang anymore. Her speech has veered back to being that of an educated woman. That thrills me beyond belief. Mama has a lovely speaking voice and can be very eloquent when she chooses to be. It's nice to hear her get away from "ain't" being her every other word. I feel like she's learning to love herself finally, or at least appreciate that she's worth so much more than she ever gave herself credit for. As I entered adulthood, it was often hard to respect many of the decisions she made. I couldn't understand her choice in men or some of her choices as a parent to my brother. I can't say enough how proud I am of her now though. In just the last two months, she's taken a lot of brave steps. I told her before her surgery to keep being strong and brave, and that so long as she was finally taking steps to take the negative aspects out of her life, I wouldn't let her fall. I couldn't stand behind her decision to stay with her husband for as long as she did. Now that she's finally kicked him out and is refusing to allow him back, I will do whatever I have to for her. I want to make sure that her positive decisions are reinforced as her doing right by herself.
Tuesday when I spoke to her, at the end of us venting our frustrations with her doctor, I told her "Mama, before you hang up, I need you to do something for me." "Okay," she agreed without hesitation. "On the 24th...?" "Yeah...?" "I need you to go to the airport." "Why am I going to the airport," she asked me after an uncertain pause. I know she thinks I'm gonna try to get her on a plane to come out here. She's terrified of flying though. "Because there's someone I'm gonna need you to pick up." She hiccupped in my ear. "You're coming home?" "Yeah, Mama," I answered, the thought of correcting her not even entering my mind, "I am." She began sobbing on the phone and I had trouble keeping my own composure because she just kept repeating "Oh good! Oh good!" I know she's been putting on a brave front for me and Josh. I know that her church friends have been a real godsend for her for some time so I thought perhaps she was leaning more on her faith and those friends and that it was giving her a lot of strength. I didn't realise until that moment though, how much she relies on me emotionally. That's okay though, because I didn't realise until she told me that she has cancer just how lost I will be when it's her time to go. http://www.breastcancer.org/testing_pet.h  Positron Emission Tomography (PET Scan) What Is It? A positron emission tomography, or PET, scan is an imaging technique that uses positively charged particles (radioactive positrons) to detect subtle changes in the body's metabolism and chemical activities. A PET scan provides a color-coded image of the body's function, rather than its structure. During a PET scan, a substance called a tracer that produces radioactive positrons either is injected into a vein or inhaled as a gas. This tracer is typically a chemical that is normally found in the body (carbon, nitrogen, oxygen) that has been altered to allow it to emit positrons. Once the tracer enters the body, it travels through the bloodstream to a specific target organ, such as the brain or heart. There the tracer emits positrons, which collide with electrons (negatively charged particles), producing gamma rays (similar to X-rays). These gamma rays are detected by a ring-shaped PET scanner and analyzed by a computer to form an image of the target organ's metabolism or other functions. A PET scan is painless, except for a mild skin prick if the tracer is injected. Once the tracer is given, the PET scan must be done immediately because the positron-emitting tracers usually decay (lose their positrons) rather quickly. What It's Used For A PET scan may be used to evaluate people with the following illnesses:
PET scans also are used for research in other areas, including drug addiction, psychiatric illnesses and stroke. Medical specialists are just beginning to discover how PET scans can be used to evaluate a wide range of patients. New uses are being found every year. Because some types of PET scans still are considered experimental by some medical insurers, check with your doctor and your medical insurer before your scan to verify your coverage for this procedure. Preparation Because a PET scan involves radioactivity, tell your doctor if you are pregnant or if there is a possibility that you might be pregnant. Tell your doctor if you think you will be unable to lie very still for 30 minutes to two hours during the PET scan. How It's Done A PET scan usually is done as an outpatient test in a major medical center that has a small cyclotron, very advanced nuclear medicine equipment used to make the PET tracer. The PET scanner is a ring-shaped apparatus with an attached table. You will lie on the scanning table, and the table will slide slowly through the opening in the scanner ring. One or two scans might be taken before the tracer is administered. After this initial scanning, either you will inhale the tracer or it will be injected into one of your veins, usually in your arm. Additional scans will be taken while the tracer is in your body. During the scanning procedure, you must lie very still. The scanning table will glide you through the PET scanner, so you won't need to move. If your head is being scanned, special cushions may be placed against your head to hold it in place. The entire scan should take 30 minutes to 2 hours. Afterward, you can go home and resume your normal activities. Follow-Up Ask personnel at the scan facility about when you should call your doctor for the official scan report. Risks The radioactive tracers used in PET scans are considered to be safe, and because they are short-lived, they are quickly cleared from the body. When To Call A Professional If the tracer was injected, call your doctor if you have pain, redness or swelling at the injection site. Additional Info Society of Nuclear Medicine (SNM) National Library of Medicine (NLM) Last updated July 14, 2005
He told her precisely squat. This goes back to what I was saying about doctors forgetting about the human side of medicine. You're in this living purgatory while they go from patient to patient sprinkling bits of info here, bits of info there. Todd warned me that he probably wouldn't tell her much. I didn't really expect him to basically tell her NOTHING. What pissed me off most about this is that it was last Monday that his nurse dropped the c-word bomb on my mother. Today, after telling her "If I HAD to say what stage we're in right NOW, I'd have to go with Stage II," he told her that he wanted her to have a PT scan done. Now, you canNOT tell me that this doctor hadn't already decided that he wanted more testing done. Even *I* expected him to run more tests, so why didn't he also have his nurse get Mom scheduled for the test when she called?? He could have already been able to tell her if the cancer spread further. As it stands now, her appointment is Dec 9 and he won't see her to discuss the results until Dec 20. Yep, you read that right. The 20th. Another week and a half that Mama has to stew over this. It's ridiculous, even if for some reason they think there's no physical need to hurry. Mentally, emotionally, we need to know what the situation is. We need details to be ready for what lay ahead. |
